When Holidays Aren't Happy: 4 Ways to Deal with Grief and Porn Addiction

My friend sent me a SOS text the other night. She had discovered a movie on their cable account that she suspected her husband had watched. Her text contained the normal anger and anxiety that many spouses feel when they find their significant other engaging in pornography. But she also said this: I feel so sad for him. In the same moment she was overcome by her own grief, she knew that her husband had lost something significant too.

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Grief has been a daily part of my life since this summer. Our family lost six people in the span of three months and I have been intentional about trying to walk it out well. I have also been incredibly sensitive to those around me who are also grieving. Though they may not be processing the death of a person, there are so many things in this world that pain us to lose: the loss of a job, the loss of a dream, the loss of financial security, the loss of a relationship with someone who still walks on this earth. The list is endless.

There are many of you who have entered this holiday season with loss because of your spouse’s addiction. Whether s/he still struggles with pornography or is in active recovery, there are moments when we grieve what we’ve lost because of it. When we notice the sense of loss creeping up on us, we have choices about how we will deal with it, just as we do with any type of grief. We can pretend it’s not there, we can put on a happy face to get through the holidays and then cry alone in the dark. Or we can be real with our spouse, trusted friends, and Jesus.

To continue reading about the four ways to deal with grief over at Covenant Eyes, click here.


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