Why the Church Must Be a No-Shame Zone

This week, we're talking about being spontaneous, and yet, here is a post about the Church and porn. Well, that's spontaneous, right? I never know when my posts for Covenant Eyes will go live and I don't always share them here, but this is a post that Craig and I both feel so passionate about—Satan uses shame in incredibly powerful ways and it is time for the Church to fight against these schemes.

Church, rise up. RISE UP.

The sins we commit in the dark, in the secret places, those are the ones Satan hones in on, where he continually speaks lies under the heavy cloak, in the deep recesses of our hearts where we shut out Light. Where can we take these sins? To Jesus, for sure. But where do we find the community that helps us in the recovery of these sins?

If the Church is just another space that heaps more shame, the Church then becomes another tool of the enemy.

This cannot be so.

We would be most honored if you would share the post. You can cut and paste this link on your social media channels or you can find the link on our Facebook page.  You can also email the link to your pastor or small group coordinators at your church—however God leads you.

Here's a little bit of the article to get you started reading:

Why the Church Must Be a No-Shame Zone

When I found out about Craig’s porn addiction, the last place I thought of calling for help was our church.

First of all, I wasn’t prepared to ask anyone for help. If anything, I thought Craig should be the one asking. That is, if he couldn’t kick it on his own. When I was 23 years old, I didn’t realize that porn was an addiction. I thought that since I had caught him and he had felt my wrath, that would be enough motivation to just stop the thing.

I was wrong.

Three years later, after the birth of our first child, I realized this was bigger than a bad habit. Though Craig ended up going to a counselor for a bit, we were still drowning in this addiction. Shame kept us from expanding our circle of help. Even though pastors are like counselors in that they keep your confidence, the pastor still knows. And what will he think when he sees you at church on Sunday?

When no one you know is confessing this stuff, when the church doesn’t even utter the “p” word, when there aren’t any groups you can just show up and attend at the Wednesday night service, you pretty much think you must be the only couple struggling.

Somehow Satan deludes you. The thinking sounds like:

I’m a Christian. But good Christians don’t look at porn.

I just should be able to pray more and trust Jesus. I try this, but it doesn’t work. I must not be strong enough.

I’m supposed to be everything for my husband. I must not be enough to keep him happy and satisfied.

I better keep this a secret. If no one knows, it will eventually go away. Right? Please God, just let it go away.

Silencing Shame

Satan is behind all of those thoughts, stoking the fire of shame. He has such a field day with the sins that are sexual in nature. In most churches, we don’t talk much about sex, let alone sexual sins. We mention the story of Rahab (see Joshua 7) the prostitute and extoll her good works and her coming to faith, but we don’t use it as a launching pad to discuss our own struggles with sex and identity. Rahab shows us redemption is possible and while the Bible doesn’t show us exactly how she worked out all her issues, this is key—everyone knew her past. Her sin was out in the open and she was accepted despite it. It wasn’t stuffed in the closet, obscured from view as she lived among the Israelites. And when her story is recounted in the New Testament, her past was still made known, not for reasons of shame, but to affirm the incredible power of God to heal.

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