8 Lies that Can Cripple a Marriage

If you received our newsletter (and opened it), you may have seen my latest piece for iBelieve. It seems perfectly timed for the New Year, doesn't it? Why? Because in order to allow God to sow truth in us this season, we must ferret out the lies that we've used to negate or dismiss this truth.

But sometimes, we don't recognize that we're believing a lie until someone tells us the truth that corrects it. If this has happened to you, you're not alone. I've falsely believed several things about myself and my relationships based on a faulty image of God or the world. Sometimes, our families perpetuate lies because it's what the generation before them believed. But God wants His truth to be deep within us and He is faithful to show us another way to live—one that promotes health, freedom, and joy.


Here are 8 lies you may believe, ones you can safely toss out with last year's clutter:

1. “They” have it easy. Anytime you find yourself comparing your marriage with someone else’s, it's a red flag. We can so easily fall into the social media trap where we see a picture of a smiling couple, then create an entire fairytale backstory on why they’re so happy (we can do this off social media, too). We make assumptions about what they have or haven’t encountered. We assume their smiles are genuine. We think because they have x, y, or z, that’s the reason they’re great and since we don’t have that same thing, it’s the reason we’re not. Comparison breeds envy and/or pride, neither of which is healthy for you individually or for your marriage. When you see joy, celebrate it. Allow it fuel your own sense of hope and well-being.

TRUTH: All marriages have tough seasons some of the time. If you’re going through a rough time right now, you aren’t alone. 

2. “If he/she really loved me, s/he would ______________.” It is true that love must be shown to be known, as my pastor says, but when we box love in with a statement like this, we stifle it. I used this statement with my husband all the time: “If Craig really loved me, he’d stop looking at porn.” Is it loving to look at porn? No. But the amount of his love for me was not enough to surmount his addiction. Loving me wasn’t the cure—he needed an entirely different set of tools to help him overcome a battle that had nothing to do with me.

TRUTH: Our actions must back up our words, yes. But sometimes what we want our spouse to do, or how we want our spouse to be, requires them to receive additional help, healing, or unpacking of their life experiences. 

To continue reading the other 6 lies, click here.

Also, if you want to know what Craig and I are ADDING to our marriage, come look our newsletter over here.