Can You Keep Us on the Front Row?

Can you help keep us on the.png

It's amazing to be a front-row witness to God's power. I'd love to share just one example of what we've seen since we've started:

She had heard me speak at a retreat, talking about our journey through Craig's porn addiction and my wrestle with control and surrender. She reached out to me on Facebook because she had a friend who was walking the same road and who needed some support. Would I be able to meet with her?

Of course, I said. And meet we did. I listened to her story over a period of months, a story filled with so many commonalities with mine and many other women. Similiar fears and frustrations and failures. Their marriage journey had their own unique twists and turns like every marriage does. In the listening, I could hear her heart and all the anguish it held, but I could hear also the heart of her husband. His heart—the one afraid of failure, of rejection, of not being strong enough. His heart—the one that had not been tended to well by his parents.

It is easy for me to validate a wife's pain because I've walked through it. I understand it. And it's easy to give because it's so desperately wanted. What is sometimes harder to do is to validate the husband's pain. To try to explain the other perspective, to help a hurting wife see a hurting husband. So often, we can all fall into the trap of only seeing our own wounds.

One particular meeting, she confessed that she didn't want her husband to follow through on his promise to get help. It would be easier to just separate, to divorce, she said. Simply, the pain she carried had become unbearable. She was hopeless.

I don't remember anything specific that I said to her that day, only a vague sense of helping her to see her husband in a new light, to help her find Jesus in the midst of a seemingly unraveling story, an unraveling marriage. Our pain blinds us to the wounds of another and it can also shroud our ability to see Jesus in our situation, too.

I walked away from that meeting thinking, Only God. Only God could change their vision. Only God could establish a new trajectory for their family. Only God could soften their hearts towards further help, towards each other. Only God.

And God did.

A few weeks later, after he started individual counseling, they had some incredible breakthroughs in their marriage counseling.

And she is now pregnant.

Trajectory changed. Hearts softened. New life, literally, forming.

Are they still working? Of course. But together. They are working together on healing, on loving, on understanding each other, instead of hiding alone under their own sheaths of pain.

This is what it's like on the front row. And we never want to leave our seats.

Who we are

The {K}not Project was born July of 2016 out of our desire to help couples find or rekindle true intimacy in their marriage. Because of our own journey through porn addiction and our conversations with couples around the world, we recognized a common factor that was lacking in all of our relationships: intimacy. 

Intimacy with each other. Intimacy with Jesus.

Our goal is to help couples get on the road to intimacy, to help them understand what's precluding them from being intimate (physically, emotionally, spiritually) and give them tangible tools with which to work together to create the relationship that God longs for them to have.

Not only are we passionate about healthy marriages, but we're also passionate about how healthy marriages can impact the world. Our marriages are for us, yes, but more importantly, they are also purposed by God as a special way to model to the people of this world His love for them.

You can read more about our mission and beliefs here.

What we do

How do we help couples build intimacy?

Mainly we provide resources, share authentic snapshots of our own life through writing and video, lead small groups, and write curriculum. Plus, meeting with people over coffee (local) and by email/phone. I meet with one – three people per week on average.  And even with his full-time job, Craig makes time to connect with the husbands of the wives with whom I meet and helps plan content for the website.

What is really spectacular about what we do is that we do it all for free—we stand in the gap. We cannot replace licensed counselors, but when couples are hurting from addictions, usually the one who has the addiction gets help first (it’s sometimes difficult to get everyone’s counseling needs met financially). It's crucial that the spouse who is not struggling with the addiction has an outlet and for the couple to have a safe space to talk, share, and ask questions. So this is what we do—provide a safe space.

In this ministry, we've witnessed radical transformations in marriages (similar stories to the one I shared above). It has been amazing to see how He has taken hopeless, dire situations and turned them into life-giving, growing relationships.

At the beginning of this venture, we were blessed by a financial contribution towards our website startup. Since then, the vast majority of the resources we've given or created have been financed by us.

And it has been a JOY to do so. But to continue the work, we need some help in order to fulfill some of the upcoming goals that keep us in the front row.

Our current needs/projects

  1. Reprint of our Marriage Matters prayer cards (250 sets with cases): Although we normally charge for these at conferences/speaking engagements, we would love to have more freedom to give these away when we meet with new couples. TOTAL COST: $850
  2.  Travel expenses for Northpoint Atlanta's re:group conference:  We have a donor who is already willing to pay 50% of our cost to attend (plane and conference tickets, hotel, rental car), but we need about $800 to cover the rest. Why do we want to go? We spent this semester piloting our new Marriage Matters curriculum with our small group and we are getting ready to teach it again, opening it up to the entire church. We would love to invest our time and energy learning how to be more effective small group leaders. While there are many places we could get small group leader training, we specifically desire to attend this conference because it helps us learn how to do this in specific ways that coincide with the church’s mission: To create a church that unchurched people love to attend. TOTAL COST (ESTIMATE): $800 
  3. Gratitude Thru Grief E-book: During the month of November, I (Jen) posted daily about ways God was calling me to find gratitude in order to make it through our first Thanksgiving after the loss of so many (especially Craig's mom). I had quite a few requests to turn it into an e-book or devotional. I've found a designer who can create a cover, format, and put it up on Amazon. TOTAL COST: $150
  4. Travel expenses for Speak Up Conference: This is where I get to give back to the speaking and writing community that so helped Craig and me along the path to the publication of our story, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple's Journey to Freedom from PornographyNormally, I can cover my plane fare with the honorarium I receive, but this year getting to Grand Rapids, Michigan is expensive, so I just need a bit extra to cover costs. TOTAL COST: $250.

We feel the Holy Spirit's nudging us to reach out, to be vulnerable, and to rely on our community for help sustaining The {K}not Project so we can keep doing what we're doing. We don't have a 503 (c) yet, so we can't offer any tax relief (we are in the process of working on this). But we give you our word that any funds we receive will go to one of the purposes listed above.

How can you donate? Here are 3 options:

1. Click the "donate" button below. This will allow you to process a credit card transaction safely and securely. It's what Squarespace (our website builder) uses to collect payment in our store.

Donate

2. Send money via PayPal. Simply use this link to donate through PayPal.

3. Send money via ApplePay. For this, you'll need my phone number, so shoot me an email if you don't have it and want to use this option. 

We cannot thank you enough for all the encouragement you have given us over the past year and a half! We are so grateful for all the ways you invest in us, especially with your prayer support. We are so thankful for the provision God has afforded us so far in this journey. We're excited to see what God has in store for The {K}not Project.