Many of us know how we are supposed to act. We know the tenets of effective communication. We know that resentment and bitterness are bad for our health—physically and emotionally. We know that both lashing out irrationally and the silent treatment do nothing to promote growth in our marriage.
We know, and yet…
As Paul states in Romans 7:15, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”
There have been more times than I can count in my almost 18 years of marriage when words escape my mouth while my brain is at the same time telling me: STOP! Don’t say that! It’s not [helpful, productive, kind, etc.]. Sometimes the opposite happens where my brain tells me to talk to my husband and my mouth simply won’t open. My emotions will it shut.
There are signs that your wife desperately needs you to hear her—either the words behind the actual things she is saying or the words that she can’t bear to let escape. There is something she needs to say but feels unsafe and afraid to come out and say exactly what she’s feeling. This could be because of the track record in your marriage or because of wounds she had even before she met you.
Regardless of the reason, here are 10 signs you need to stop what you’re doing, listen, and make sure you truly understand what is going on with her and with your marriage.
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