If Resolutions Fade: 6 Timeless Tools to Quit Porn {or anything else}

If Resolutions Fade: 6 Timeless Tools to Quit Porn {or anything else}

Although this is an article intended to help those who desired to give up porn as part of their New Year's Resolutions, these tips on "what to do now" work for any habit you're trying to break. Whatever your detrimental habit may be, it's time for a check-in. 

How are you really doing?

I've found that the habits that bring the most separation between God and me are those that temporarily fill a hole in my heart. And the enemy to my health (physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional) is intent on helping me keep filling said hole with things that don't last so that I don't discover the fruitlessness of my actions. As I wrote in my journal the other day:

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If You Give Your Kid A Kindle {Or any other device}

If You Give Your Kid A Kindle {Or any other device}

Anytime a device, whether a Kindle, an X-box, an iPhone, or any other device, links to the Internet, there are legitimate dangers lurking. The predators and trolls in cyberspace are just as dangerous as the drug dealers on the street corners, the kid who brings a gun to school, and the teen pressuring yours to have unprotected sex. When we give our children unfettered access to the Internet, it’s like we send them to the downtown city park by themselves when they are three years old.

If we would never do that, why would we let them play on the Internet’s playground with no supervision?

But the truth is, we do it all the time. Why? Here are three possible reasons:

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10 Ways Porn Destroys a Person (& Jen's new writing gig)

10 Ways Porn Destroys a Person (& Jen's new writing gig)

So...I (Jen) got a new writing gig. And of course, the first post is about porn. 

It's a long story, but I got a nickname-Patty Porn. And for a while, before we published the book, I was afraid that I would be known simply as "The Girl Who Writes about Porn." 

But the truth is, I'm okay with all that. We don't always get to choose our mission field, but we do have the choice whether to embrace it or not.

This is me. Embracing.

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When Holidays Aren't Happy: 4 Ways to Deal with Grief and Porn Addiction

When Holidays Aren't Happy: 4 Ways to Deal with Grief and Porn Addiction

My friend sent me a SOS text the other night. She had discovered a movie on their cable account that she suspected her husband had watched. Her text contained the normal anger and anxiety that many spouses feel when they find their significant other engaging in pornography. But she also said this: I feel so sad for him. In the same moment she was overcome by her own grief, she knew that her husband had lost something significant too.

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5 Things To Do About #MeToo

5 Things To Do About #MeToo

Scrolling through my Facebook feed earlier this week, every other post resounded with #metoo. If you haven’t seen it, you may be asking, “Me too, what?”

There are now variations of the original post, but here is the gist:

“If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

Please copy/paste.”

I searched Facebook with the hashtag. Story after story after story broke my heart. I see the revelations and admissions of my friends, of strangers, some feeling guilty because they feel like their harassment was slight compared to the weight of the assault of others, some lamenting how their mistreatment greatly shifted the trajectory of their lives. For some, this was the first time they ever became public with their pain.

#Metoo is a wave of women joining voices together to make a world that routinely objectifies and demeans them notice. Hear. Pay attention.

Today, I added my own #metoo.

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Podcast on Purity (Part 2)

Picture from Carol Kent's new devotional,  He Holds My Hand , releasing October 3!

Picture from Carol Kent's new devotional, He Holds My Hand, releasing October 3!

Last Tuesday, part 1 of our story aired on Power of Purity (if you missed it and are interested, click here). Part 2

Part 2 was released today and you can listen here.

Know that we are not unique. It's not because we're extra special that God brought healing. What He brings to our lives with His unconditional love and grace and forgiveness and patience, He longs to bring to you, too. It can be hard to see His work when it's dark and hopeless, but know that He is. He will never leave you or forsake you and He is trustworthy.

Podcast on Purity

Podcast on Purity

Craig and I have been publicly sharing our story for years. While there are many reasons, the two main ones are:

1) it really was awful going through porn addiction alone; and

2) it was really amazing to see how God used something so terrible to bring about something so lovely—true intimacy with God and with each other.

Okay, so there are really three reasons. 

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Speaking Engagement Recap (new video)

Speaking Engagement Recap (new video)

We did a short video on Laguna Beach to recap our amazing experience in California. It was such an honor to be invited to a church to talk about porn addiction and to be so graciously received by the staff and congregation. The Holy Spirit moved in a big way both when I spoke at the local MOPS group (40% are unbelievers!) and when we spoke together to The Grove Community Church (both located in Riverside, CA) men's Bible study. And because the people who invited us love us so well, we also had time to reconnect as a couple and explore the lovely beaches of southern California. (Tourist highlight: I walked on the beaches from Beaches! I feel at one with Bette Middler now.)

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Imitation Self-Control Tastes a Bit like Imitation Vanilla: The Real Thing is Better

Imitation Self-Control Tastes a Bit like Imitation Vanilla: The Real Thing is Better

I am, we are, works in progress. The past few weeks have been a painful work in progress. It seems like the whole onion analogy works here. There are layers and layers of my controlling nature and as God peels them away, sometimes I cry.

A large part of why I control is because I’m afraid. My biggest fear is that I will fail my husband and my kids.

So much of my planning, organizing, and caretaking stems from the anxiety that if I don’t do X, Y, and Z—or if they don’t—things will fall apart. I keep my expectations high for a well-run, well-organized life, doing my best to keep everyone moving along as they should, investing all that I can emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I believe that this continually striving will give me protection from all that failure that looms large out there.

Hey, guess what? I’m exhausted. Again.

Somehow, I fooled myself. I cloaked my controlling nature and hid it under the guise of simple self-discipline, self-control. That sounds so holy, right? How can self-discipline, self-control, be wrong?

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Why the Church Must Be a No-Shame Zone

Why the Church Must Be a No-Shame Zone

This week, we're talking about being spontaneous, and yet, here is a post about the Church and porn. Well, that's spontaneous, right? I never know when my posts for Covenant Eyes will go live and I don't always share them here, but this is a post that Craig and I both feel so passionate about—Satan uses shame in incredibly powerful ways and it is time for the Church to fight against these schemes.

Church, rise up. RISE UP.

The sins we commit in the dark, in the secret places, those are the ones Satan hones in on, where he continually speaks lies under the heavy cloak, in the deep recesses of our hearts where we shut out Light. Where can we take these sins? To Jesus, for sure. But where do we find the community that helps us in the recovery of these sins?

If the Church is just another space that heaps more shame, the Church then becomes another tool of the enemy.

This cannot be so.

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If You Don't Know Too Much about Us...

If You Don't Know Too Much about Us...

Hey y'all! Yes, I know, it's another interview about our journey through porn addiction. And yes, some of this you have heard before. But one reason that I love this interview is because it's also how we began...you get to know more about us as just Jen and Craig Ferguson, not just Jen and Craig Ferguson who talk about porn all the time. Want to know how long we dated before we got engaged? (Think # of days, not months!) What to know our song we danced to on our wedding day? If so, we'd love for you to tune in! Thank you so much, Engaging Story, for having us!!

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