Connection and the Styles of Relating

Connection and the Styles of Relating

This month we are talking about connection.  As we have mentioned before, relationships are the foundation of our faith.  We first must have a whole-hearted relationship with God (vertical) in order to have a whole-hearted relationship with others (horizontal).  This month, I’d like to introduce a very visual tool that Jen and I have used for the past year or so.  It is a version of the Styles of Relating first constructed by Karen Horney back in the 1940’s.  They have been used in counseling and therapy ever since.  I find them extremely useful to help understand how we interact with one another.

I’d like to start with defining them a bit and then exploring how you can use them to deep your connection with others and strengthen your relationships.  Each one of the three can be expressed in a positive (true-self) way and a negative (false-self) way.  

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And finally...a VLOG!

And finally...a VLOG!

Man, what a summer! Feels like "the best of times and the worst of times" kind of break. Some really great things (a new puppy! a new job!) and some really hard things (chronic illness! hospital stays! death anniversaries!) happened and it has taken us a bit of time and effort to regroup.

But we're back and ready to reset and refocus on all God has for us in our marriage. What about you? How has your summer been? Good, bad, in between? Regardless, the beginning of the school year always feels like a time to refresh and reorient (I think it's all the new school supplies)! We're not talking about a whole redo, but just choosing one thing we can change, tweak, or add to allow our marriage to really come alive.

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Are You Serving (Emotional) Leftovers?

Are You Serving (Emotional) Leftovers?

t's summer, my kids are often home, and I'm an introvert. As a family, we've endured intense grief recently with the loss of my grandmother and Craig's mom. My youngest daughter is trying out for dance company this year, so there is heightened anxiety in her. My friend's husband is dying and another friend's marriage is in crisis.

Daily, I feel my emotional capacity flows out of me and I long for space to recharge. Don't hear me wrong: I love helping my daughters process through hard things. I love helping my friends as well. But sometimes, when there is intense need with my girls and my friends, I can easily overdo. I can give more than I have and I end up living life out of some form of manufactured capacity.

Yesterday, Craig had a disappointing day at work. When he texted me that he was on his way home, I called him so he could process. His response? Can we talk about this when I get home?

I wanted to reply, No! I want to talk about it now so that I can be done talking for the day.

All I had left to give Craig were my emotional leftovers.

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