10 Ways Unrealistic Expectations Destroy Your Relationships

10 Ways Unrealistic Expectations Destroy Your Relationships

“Expectations kill relationships,” writes Ann Voskamp. As I ponder her words, I remember how my marriage has died a thousand little deaths. While my outlandish expectations have harmed many relationships, my poor husband has born the brunt of my affliction.

Affliction? you ask.

Yes, affliction. Because harboring unrealistic expectations is like a disease. One that chokes the life out of a relationship. It stifles the people around you, sometimes paralyzing them because they are afraid of disappointing you, failing you, angering you.

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When You're Spouse is Being a Nightmare (new video)

When You're Spouse is Being a Nightmare (new video)

This week's video is no joke. I (Jen) was unable to find my way back to kindness. I was locked inside these old patterns of behavior, trying to please every single person around me—with the exception of Craig. At almost every turn, I felt so much like the apostle Paul when he wrote in Romans 7:15:

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

At the end of the week, sitting in church today, the guest pastor summed it up so well, which we will tell you more about this week on the blog. For now, here's how Craig dealt with me and how his response to my craziness and ugliness helped me get back on the right path, headed in a much better direction.

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Give Grace: When Your Spouse Isn't Exactly Who You Thought

This week, we are continuing this theme of giving grace when confronted with unrealistic expectations, but coming from a slightly different angle. What do you do when your spouse ends up being different than you expected? Here, we tackle the gambit—what to do when they fart more than you think they should all the way to addressing an addiction.

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Give Grace: The Reality of Unrealistic Expectations

Give Grace: The Reality of Unrealistic Expectations

Jen told me the other day, “Valentine’s Day is the holiday of unrealistic expectations.” Ain’t that the truth?

Do you have secret hopes that your husband will show up with two dozen long stem roses, luscious hand-dipped strawberries in silky chocolate, and a handwritten card that expresses his sincerest appreciation and deepest attraction for you?

Movies, ads, and that one guy on Facebook (who actually does this kind of stuff for his wife) have set the bar so high that we end up disappointed when February 14th doesn’t deliver a fairy tale.

I’ve always been one to have high expectations of myself and others. The ugly truth is that I expect darn near perfection and when I don’t give it or get it, I’m frustrated.

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Give Grace: Unrealistic Expectations

Give Grace: Unrealistic Expectations

Right away you'll probably notice we are not on the video today! Let us introduce to you our friends, Katie and Adam Reid. Jen met Katie in Michigan and we've never laid eyes on Adam in real life, but as you'll see in the video, turns out, he's a pretty good guy (even if he didn't get Katie a birthday present). They are here with a  very timely video that is so appropriate for Valentine's Day week: Unrealistic Expectations! (The video cut off their goodbye, but don't worry—all the good stuff is here.)

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